Advice for dating a divorced man with children
"That's not good for you or your kids," Finley says. Talk about what's on their minds." Before divorce, some dads, Buser says, make the mistake of yielding much of their parenting role to their partners.
There's a possible silver lining to divorce if they put in the work, however.
Call up old friends, join a softball team, a club, or a professional association. Just don't make the mistake of expecting your kids to be upbeat about it.
"Expand your social and professional network to avoid isolation." He also says that the aftermath of a divorce is great time to go back to school. "The last thing the kids want to see is parents getting involved with someone else," says Gordon E.
It keeps you active, stimulates your mind, potentially advances your career, and gets you out of the house. Finley, Ph D, a psychologist who specializes in issues facing divorced men and an emeritus professor of psychology at Florida International University in Miami. Date when you feel ready, but leave the kids out of it." Buser agrees.
"Focus on the other adult when starting a relationship," he says.
"Workloads go up and down, schedules can shift, and you want some way to take that into account." If you're a dad, divorce doesn't change that.
Your child still needs you as a father, not as a visitor.
"But divorce gives them an opportunity, when they are with their kids, to be a full-time parent for the first time.
"That should be the most important thing from the man's point of view: His child wants him and his child needs him," Finley says.
"Maintaining the relationship is important for your child's developmental outcome: social, emotional, and educational." Finley warns against becoming what he calls a "Disneyland dad," who acts as if his role is to show up on weekends and show the kids a good time.
"She can meet the kids when you know you are serious." Don't make the mistake of continuing to fight with your ex, especially if children are involved.
"You don't want to be seen as an enemy or an antagonist but as a co-parent," says Arizona State University professor emeritus of psychology Sanford L. "I'm not saying that that will be easy, but everybody will be better off." Braver, co-author of Divorced Dads: Shattering the Myths, recommends that men consider conflict and anger management classes.