Dating friendship love lucky 2016 validating destination file paths
The proverb is never literally true, but is whimsically true when you’re dating in high school and becomes less true the older you get and the more you should expect of yourself and others.When you are young, too much about your core self is malleable, and that’s how it should be.Here’s the thing: ADULTS know that the in-love part fades, then ebbs and flows with work, attention, and active caring over the years. But it is the obvious eventual side effect of the very familiarity you seek.True monogamists are not afraid of the lack of spark or butterfliesthat wonderful but ultimately transient and even shallow feeling of being in a state of love.It started after being burned out on a decade of serial monogamy.Being poly taught me that all those years, I was essentially monogamous for the wrong reasons.Because polyamory is less accepted by society, friends, and family, people tend to enter into relationships with whoever they went on a few dates with merely because they’d like to continue seeing them. Actively learning what I wanted out of a relationship taught me how to be monogamous for the right reasons.When I was poly, I used to joke that “it takes three or four men to make one good boyfriend these days” and I was right.
If you’ve just ghosted someone you’ve been seeing regularly for six months, unless you did it because you fear for your personal safety or something, you’re not a kind person.That goal is ultimately antithetical to romance by nature; a fact that successful monogamists use as a starting point; they do not hide from it, nor do they leave it alone and hope it will spark itself from time to time without any work.People who are dumped because the other person “just wasn’t feeling it” after a couple years have a right to be angry, and a right to feel betrayed. If you are trying to be a monogamist yet insist on expressing that desire to “be in love” through serial monogamy, then you are not being honest with yourself or your needs, and are disrespecting the needs of people you care for.Certainly, there are other reasons to end a relationship that are perfectly valid.But if you’re ending it because you’re not anymore, you never felt the desire for monogamy as it actually exists in the first place.I say shallow because everyone eventually has had that feeling — and strongly — for a person they know they have no business dating.Chemistry doesn’t give a fuck if you’re deeply attracted to a Republican who would make you incredibly miserable.Figure out who you are, what you want, and be that.The only people who can have both are those few who are very, very good at polyamory.I knew I was ready to give it up when I found someone who felt like three or four men put together. I’m writing this today because over the past few months several of my friends have gone through painful breakups.They had been together anywhere between six months and five years, yet all of them had lovers who said to them some dreaded version of “I love you, but I am not with you anymore”, “there’s no spark anymore”, etc.