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Basically, you can’t get to 25 with no romantic connections to speak of, without being marked out as a freak.Most recently I was the ninth wheel at a dinner party of four couples. This was my golden age; before my boobs grew over night, way before I developed a strong acne game and crucially, before carbs found me. Sadly, we hit the inevitable three-month itch (seven years in school relationship terms) when a rumour reached me that Dan was planning on dumping me on Valentine’s Day. Only the night before he’d sent me a heart pattern made of kisses on my Nokia 3310!It was this precious time, when I had my first, last and only boyfriend. For three glorious months (four hand holds, two pecks on the cheek and a bunch of slow dances to Enrique Iglesias later) he was mine. Hastily, I convinced a girl in his class to dump him on my behalf during morning tutor the next day. I’m now 25 years old and the majority of my family are convinced I’m a closet lesbian because they can’t understand why such a ‘great girl’ has never had a serious boyfriend.I’ve got a great story that I want to share with you today.Even though I bill myself as a dating coach for “smart, strong, successful women”, I still maintain a few male clients.
Or, they’re the first to thrust their fingers at me during drinking games, crowning me most likely to die alone with too many cats.The question is whether you are going to be like James and continue to blame the opposite sex for everything. You don’t think there’s something wrong with you if you don’t know how to play the Mozart Clarinet Concerto right off the bat.Evan, how about a corny analogy here: It sounds like enrolling in dating coaching is a lot like learning to play an instrument. You find someone who is a good teacher (good coach) and learn techniques to make you a better musician. And so it should be with learning how to be effective in relationships. No one would attempt to be a clarinet teacher if they couldn’t play clarinet themselves.If it’s playing scales, learning tricks to speed-read music, etc., you do it and trust that it will make you more skilled. Maybe part of the problem is not just that people take it very personally, but they also hear a lot of sketchy advice along the way because everyone thinks they’re experts at relationships – heck, even if they’ve never been in one. Evan, I can understand why every once in a while you may feel as though you’re swimming against the current.The difference between music lessons and dating lessons seems to be that people take the latter too personally, like this guy James. Taking advice too personally and a history of hearing both good and bad advice may be two reasons.Do you think that, if only MEN changed, you’d be in a happy relationship by now?If so, I hate to tell you, YOU are the one who needs to adjust. You’re not “wrong” that men could improve in 100 different ways.I enjoy working with guys because, when they’re motivated, they’re hardworking and highly coachable.Plus, the men who gravitate towards me are usually “nice guys” who just need a little bit of an edge to succeed wildly with women.Did I mention that I share the same birthday with famous fictional spinster Bridget Jones, BTW?The thing that people never really seem to understand is that my chronic singularity is not due to a lack of interest or suitors. I’m the one who is governing (and ruining, according to my mother) my own love life – not consciously, I hasten too add – but, it really is a classic case of, it’s not you, it’s me.